Nightmare on MarySue Street
by Kevin3
Summary: Hehe, the idea for a Mary-Sue Parody fluff hit my head! Come on - Read It! You know you want to! (NOTE: It really doesn't have anything to do with Nightmare on Elm Street)


**Nightmare on Mary-Sue Street**

This story just screams fluff!

Hermione sat down with Harry and Ron in the Great Hall.  Even though the Sorting Ceremony had just finished, Dumbledore had yet to make his announcements.

Sure enough, Dumbledore stood and loudly said, "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts!  However, we have an unusual situation on our hands.  This year we have a transfer from the Los Angeles Institute of Magic who also needs to be sorted.  Her name is Mary-Sue"

At his words, a young woman entered the great hall and slowly walked up to the hat.  Hermione saw that Harry and Ron were ogling the girl, and she hit Ron.  "Honestly, you two!  Can't you refrain from looking at every woman you see!"

Ron and Harry grinned sheepishly; Harry guiltily retorted, "Yeah, but it's not like I have a girlfriend, eh Ron?"

Ron blushed and looked at Hermione.  However, their attention was drawn back to the front as the Sorting Hat began to speak.  "Interesting!" the Hat said, "You have one of the brightest minds I've ever seen.  You're really loyal, and oh my, you're very brave.  Ah, and you have a will to succeed!  This is very interesting!  I'll tell you what, you'd succeed in any house.  Why don't you pick?"

Mary-Sue immediately yelled out, "Gryffindor!" and made her way to sit next to Harry.  Harry, for his part, could hardly believe his luck.  All through the feast, Harry was mumbling and trying to screw up the courage to ask her out.

However, the feast past, and Harry never got his chance.

The next day, Hermione walked into Charms a good 15 minutes early.  However, Mary-Sue was already there, talking with Professor Flitwick.  Hermione sat down as far away from Mary-Sue as she could.  Ten minutes later, Harry came in, and sat down next to Mary-Sue instead of by her.  Hermione grew a little angry.  When Ron came in, he stood for a minute looking back and forth between Hermione and Harry.  Eventually, he sat down next to Hermione, who said, "Gee!  I'm glad you picked me!" somewhat sarcastically.

Flitwick started the class, and asked "Who knows the counter-curse for Leviosa?"  Hermione immediately raised her hand, but was beat by Mary-Sue.

"Degravo," Mary-Sue said.

"Excellent!  Five points to Gryffindor!" Flitwick said in his high-pitched voice.  Hermione was slightly miffed.  Throughout the class, Flitwick asked questions, and sure enough, Mary-Sue's hand went up just before hers.  Question after question, Mary-Sue answered correctly, to Flitwick's delight and Hermione's dissatisfaction.

Finally, Flitwick asked, "What is the counter-spell for Saltatio Pullarius?"

Hermione raised her hand even before Flitwick had finished the question.  "Yes, Miss Granger?"

Hermione opened her mouth, and realized she didn't know the answer.  Her jaw moved wordlessly, and dropped her hand.

Mary-Sue raised hers and said, "Saltatio Pullarius means 'The Dancing Feeder of Sacred Chickens'  It's just nonsense – it's not even a spell, so there can't be a counter-spell.  It's a trick question"

Flitwick congratulated her, and gave another 5 points to Gryffindor.  Hermione was steamed as she made her way back to the Great Hall.  When she turned around, she saw that only Ron had accompanied her.

"Where's Harry?" she asked

"Er, I think he went with Mary-Sue," replied Ron.

Hermione and Ron walked with Harry to the new quidditch tryouts.  However, Mary-Sue was there, with a firebolt held over her shoulder.  Harry looked pleased at this, and asked, "So, honey, what position do you play?"

_Honey! He called her honey!  Screamed Hermione's mind._

Mary-Sue said with a smile, "Seeker"

Harry looked at her and slowly said, "Well, let's see you then.  We already have a seeker, but if you're good, you'll make the team."

Mary-Sue nodded and took to the air.  Harry released the snitch, and Mary-Sue caught it within 20 seconds.  Everyone cheered, and Harry released it again.  Mary-Sue managed to catch it each time in less than two minutes.  Her fastest was 7 seconds.

Mary-Sue dismounted, and ran up and put an arm around Harry.  "So," she asked coyly, "do I make the team?"

Harry smiled and said, "Yeah!  You're the best seeker I've even seen!  I guess you've got my spot!"

"What, no!" cried Mary-Sue, "I don't want to kick you off the team!"

"No, that's ok!  You're much better than I am, and we need to beat Slytherin again!"  Mary-Sue and Harry kissed.  Hermione tried not to gag.

The next week, Dumbledore called for a special assembly.  Sure enough, Harry and Mary-Sue walked in looking like they were melded together, Hermione noticed.  Harry sighed, "I've found the love of my life," and Hermione tried not to retch.

Dumbledore broke her attention and addressed the students, "I've got good news.  Last night, Mary-Sue had an encounter with Voldemort.  However, she trounced him, and Voldemort is now gone for good!"  At this, the students all cheered wildly, even a few Slytherins.  Dumbledore waited for the noise to die down a little, and continued, "Also, she managed to apprehend almost all the Death Eaters.  In recognition of this, and the fact that she is the top in every class now, instead of Miss Granger, we are awarding her the spot of Prefect and Head Girl."

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!" Hermione screamed.

"What's wrong?" asked Parvati.  Hermione looked around.  She was in her dorm room.  It had all been a dream!

"I had a bad dream," Hermione said, panting a little, "about someone coming to the school named Mary-Sue."

"Mary-Sue?" scoffed Lavender, "That sounds like something out of a bad fanfiction story!"

Hermione sighed and fell back on her bed.  The last thing she heard before she was unconscious again was Parvati saying, "So, did you hear about that new girl, Mary-Beth?"

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Yep, this is what's called 'Bad Fluff'.  Oh yeah!

Review if you like


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